The Invisible Brake

This weekend I agreed to do the unthinkable.  The dangerous!  The daring!  I decided to let my 15 year-old daughter drive me around while I was in town.  The harrowing speeds, the lane changes that did not include a full turn of the neck to see if another car was coming, and the missed stop sign where I saw my life flash before my eyes, all confirmed that indeed I would have a stroke or a heart attack by the end of my time with her.  But like all good parents, I wanted my daughter to gain experience and confidence in her driving skills.  I wanted to be her co-pilot as I taught and she learned from her mistakes.  Never in my life did I feel so completely out of control in a situation that seems to call for all control.  I can still hear her say, "MOM.  I know you are pushing the invisible brake, I can see your leg and foot!" And, "Mom, quit telling me to slow down (my mantra throughout our excursions) I know what I am doing and I am not going to hit the car in front of me!"  Her exhortations had me stop dead in my tracks and realize that She's Got This! And little by little I let go.  Not completely, mind you, every once in a while my leg would jerk with a small spasm!

I know that I have always gone through life with an invisible brake. Wanting to help my children avoid mistakes, stopping myself from making my own mistakes, and helping friends and family, as well.  My invisible brake gives me a sense of control when I feel that I have none. There is a false power there that tricks my mind into believing it actually works! But like the car, an invisible brake is futile. Whatever is going to happen will happen, and no amount of stomping or pushing on it will stop the car. Life moves forward, everyone makes mistakes, and we either accept, deny, or learn from them.

I am learning to let go of my invisible brake and to give it to Someone who does have power in it, if I let Him. I know that I will always want to fiercely protect what is mine, but I also know that life happens. My knee jerk reaction to push the brake will always be there, but I can let go of the feeling that it's all up to me if it works out or not. God has allowed me that freedom.  


Live Large and Be Free!